If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my shit smells like andre
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
