The maid of honor just puked.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
