Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
