the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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