i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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