Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
