do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
