Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
