I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
