you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
