after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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