D3 body, D1 cock
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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