It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
