I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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