i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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