my vag is so smooth its legendary
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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