I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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