I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
