i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
