Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
