I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
