Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
