been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
