thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
