I just threw up on my dentist
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
