you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
