we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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