For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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