dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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