Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
