Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
