ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so let's talk penis.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
