She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
