marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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