my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
