and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Randomize
