did you get engaged???
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
try to milk me bitch
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