clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He felt like a one man threesome
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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