Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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