Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
