You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
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