No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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