She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
