you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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