Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
