smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
