if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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