I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
