She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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