my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
