Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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