did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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